Zen Space
by Dr. Elliott Kronenfeld

We are so often overrun by our lives. The job. The kids. The bills. The chores. The dog. Friends. Parents. Yada Yada Yada. We are working so hard to keep our heads above water and take care of all the things we feel responsible for, that others pull on us for, and the desire just to keep life moving forward. We juggle so much – it is no wonder we can be overwhelmed by the life we created! We feel we have to keep up with all of these responsibilities. They all feel important. They all make us feel that others are depending on us to drive forward.

Let’s slow down for just a second. Perhaps just for the two or three minutes it takes you to read this blog post to consider a question. What is the cost of all this ‘keeping up’? The cost is most frequently the cost of self and our connection with our most important relationships. As life becomes more complicated, it is harder to find time to care for ourselves and make time for the most intimate relationships we have. We are spread thin and cannot find the time, energy, and focus to make real investment in the connections that carry us into the future.

It is time to consider rebalancing. In previous posts, I have talked about ‘the upside triangle’ (be sure to read that post!) and the importance of reevaluating priorities. This post is about taking that conversation one step further. To make the type of restructured approach that focuses more on the high value relationships we see, we must introduce the concept of sacred space.

So, what is sacred space? Sacred space is the space in your relationship and in your life where only you and your relationship partner get to go. It is the space that others (even the kids, your mother, and the dog) are not allowed to enter. It is the space that becomes a sacred and private space for you and your partner. You maintain it with vigilance and intensity.

Sacred space can take many forms. It can be a physical space, such as a room. In our family, our bedroom is off limits to everyone but us. No one is allowed in our room. There are no pictures of our children in our bedroom. It is the space we where go for intimacy, when we are sick, when we are overwhelmed and need to be alone, where we need to have challenging conversations. It is our space and our children never enter our bedroom. I know this can sound extreme. You can claim your bedroom during specific times. What would it be like if Sunday mornings you and your beloved could stay in bed, do the crossword (or any other ‘fun game’) and the children knew that you were not to be disturbed until 11:00 am?

Sacred space can be a schedule. Thursday nights can be date night where it is held sacred and nothing else can happen on a Thursday. Whether you go to dinner, a walk, or just go sit in your car by the beach, you know that you can count on that time to be with your partner without interruption. It is a time where you know relationship is the primary concern.

Sacred space can be a destination. The diner on the corner where we had our first date is a place that we only go with each other. We never take friends or anyone else there, because it is ours and it is not to be shared with anyone else. Sacred space can be ritual. Inside jokes, private coded language, shared intimacies that you can communicate when needed.

You can create sacred space for yourself, for your beloved, or for any key important relationship you have. If you could create a meaningful sacred space in your relationship, what would it look like? How would it serve you? What do you think the benefit to your relationship would look like?  You can customize it and make it work anyway you need for your crazy hectic life. However, not creating a sacred space ensures that your life remains hectic. What works best for you?

To learn more creating sacred space in your life and relationship, contact Dr. Elliott at [email protected]



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