Wedding Bells and Tears

I always say “Come to couples’ therapy when there is something to work on. It is an easier road than when you wait until you are injured and broken and looking for salvation and healing.” One of the gratifying aspects of being a couples and sex therapist is when a couple decides to come see me when they are building their future rather than when they come to me in distress. Premarital therapy is one of those opportunities where both partners are looking to learn more, grow together and find some open curiosity. However, this can also be a time of great stress and challenging relationships.

Scratch Your But!

There are so many times that I am sitting with a couple who are in distress, feeling unheard and struggling through difficult communication.  They unintentionally are making the process so much harder for themselves.  I can see them getting stuck in the who is right argument and discounting the reality that there can be more than one truth.  This is where a small shift can make a big difference!

First Moon Parties and Blue Water: The Truth About Menstruation

The #MeToo campaign, Women’s Marches and the current news cycles are flooded with women pushing back on the patriarchy and controls placed on women.  Women’s bodies are being controlled, not wholly by themselves, but by pharmaceutical companies, doctors, the media, and insurance companies. What is considered normal and natural during menstruation is determined by the family care doctor, OBGYN, or fertility specialist who learns about medications to treat symptoms defined as problems by the pharmaceutical companies.  The pharmaceutical companies then go on to promote these drugs — life enhancers — in the media and through a focused campaign to get the medical community to prescribe them. Little did the American public realize that menstruation has become a multi-billion dollar a year business.

I Really Don’t Need Your Help!

So often couples come to see me in great frustration because each partner thinks the other is trying to fix them or control them.  This behavior comes out in a variety of ways… often intended to be helpful or focused on making the relationship better.  However, it often results in anger and disconnect.  Partners report feeling misunderstood and begin to feel justified when their helping ways are questioned.  They say things like “If you would only listen to me…” and “I told you so…” and “Don’t feel that way baby….”

Please… Don’t Come Out!!!

One of the aspects of my job that I love – probably more than anything else – is when I know I have helped someone to be their very best.  When someone comes to see me because they want to resolve a personal conflict or to find a path forward for a more authentic life, I will often encourage them to envision what life will look like on the other side…when they have done the work and can see a different way of being.  This is often challenging.  Many people can’t see what the other side looks like…they can only see the mire they are in presently.