Sometimes we make mistakes and we ruminate: why did I do this, why didn’t I do this, what can I do next time, what I wish I did, and the criticism continues. Guess what, it didn’t get better and chances are you, at least I did, continued to make that same mistake.
We all go through changes as we move through life. Some of these are minor and not that impacting. For instance, you might gradually stop frequenting places you used to visit or lose touch with casual friends. Other changes are major, such as graduating from college, changing jobs, or beginning and ending serious relationships. Some other changes, however, are not only major in terms of outward effects, but also in terms of how they affect our world view and sense of ourselves. Have you ever experienced a profound change such as this, one that rocks you to the core and causes you to question core beliefs that once seemed certain to you?
You have made your list but halfway through it you realize it is too much. Your brain starts to be filled with counter thoughts, excuses why it is hard to do this or what is going to make it hard, or worse, you cannot decide where to start. OH NO!!! This starts the negative thinking; the self-deprecating statements; hours on end of wondering why you cannot do something this simple; your chest feels tight or your body feels burdened. So much for spring!!!
Building a house, changing a career, making a plan – all of these require a certain focus and approach in order to be successful. It is also critical to remember that these shifts and changes don’t happen in moment nor do they rely on just one factor. It is often most challenging to make real lasting change when there isn’t a plan and strategy to support the growth. So many people will attempt change and then give up when the results are not immediately gratifying.
I have had patient after patient come into my office talking about what a harsh and relentless winter this has been. I can’t agree more! It is always interesting to see how people talk about the weather. There are two classic perspectives that get presented: How cold it is on the thermometer and how much energy is being used by the thermostat. What an interesting way to understand ourselves as well!
There seems to be a thread in the conversations I have had lately with many of the men I see in my practice. Our discussions are centering on the institutionalization influences of how masculinity is defined. We have entered into these talks from a variety of perspectives but we seem to end up circling around the same concerns. Coming to grip with how men define their own manhood is a pressured and loaded situation.