The Work Of a Relationship: Consistent, Persistent, Insistent

Getting what we want, what we feel we deserve, and what we hope for often feels out of reach and inconceivable.  This is can be particularly daunting when we consider intimate and loving relationships.  In my years working as a sex and relationship therapist, people have shared with me how they struggle to find the right relationship, or if they are in a good relationship, how to dig deeper and get their needs met.  

Why We Yell

What is yelling?   When a partner denies that they yell, I wonder if they know what they sound like.  I think there are two distinct types of yelling.  The first, is the basic and popular raised voice yelling.  It often starts at our toes and rolls up our core until it comes out of our mouths as a strong bellowing exhortation of increased volume, often accompanied by words that would offend us if they were spoken to us.  The other type of yelling is more complex.  It is tight and constricted.   It starts in our throat.  It is not loud and bellowing.  The volume is not out of range.  However, it is the tone – sharp, clipped, judgmental, and cuts like a knife.  It feels like yelling to the recipient.