A waiter can be a great model for listening during a conflict. A good waiter puts aside his or her own needs and desires and turns their attention to you, even helping you figure out what you really want. On the other hand, in a conflict we feel attacked and so prefer the role of lawyer instead. Reactivity – the emotional/mental state of being in a fight – pushes us to respond from expectations that our own needs will be dismissed, ignored and discounted.
Making Connections
You know those times when you are getting frustrated in your relationship because you just aren’t getting your needs met? You keep telling your partner that you want things (sex, communication, warmth, etc.) and feel like your requests are falling on deaf ears? Frustration creeps in and you start losing stake in the relationship feeling that your connection is more distant and fractured.
The 5 C’s of Change
Building a house, changing a career, making a plan – all of these require a certain focus and approach in order to be successful. It is also critical to remember that these shifts and changes don’t happen in moment nor do they rely on just one factor. It is often most challenging to make real lasting change when there isn’t a plan and strategy to support the growth. So many people will attempt change and then give up when the results are not immediately gratifying.
Thermometer vs Thermostat
I have had patient after patient come into my office talking about what a harsh and relentless winter this has been. I can’t agree more! It is always interesting to see how people talk about the weather. There are two classic perspectives that get presented: How cold it is on the thermometer and how much energy is being used by the thermostat. What an interesting way to understand ourselves as well!
Marriage Vows to Furrowed Brows – Married to ADHD
The healing of a marriage worn by ADHD is a steady and concerted effort for the hopeless spouse and those who support him/her. The non-ADHD spouse learns how to communicate his/her needs more clearly, recognize behaviors of ADHD, and master techniques of organization and cooperation in new ways that work better for both spouses. In the process, hopeless spouses who stick with it learn a lot about themselves.
It’s a Latin Thing
Cultural differences play a crucial role in defining what is considered normal versus abnormal. I am writing this blog to target the Hispanic community. As a Latin woman, I have dealt with consolidating varying, often conflicting, perceptions of mental illness as defined in the Hispanic community. Whether we refer to anxiety, depression, or any other mental illness, the Hispanic patient population is one that lags behind others in both seeking and obtaining mental health treatment. Underlying this lack of treatment are multiple factors, including cultural expectations.