So often couples come to see me in great frustration because each partner thinks the other is trying to fix them or control them. This behavior comes out in a variety of ways… often intended to be helpful or focused on making the relationship better. However, it often results in anger and disconnect. Partners report feeling misunderstood and begin to feel justified when their helping ways are questioned. They say things like “If you would only listen to me…” and “I told you so…” and “Don’t feel that way baby….”
Hey Joe Cool… It ain’t about you!
One of my favorite things about working with men is talking about manhood. Really understanding where their definition of manhood was developed and how it is present in their everyday life. This conversation is really interesting as most men are thinking about this for the first time.
Empathy: The Missing Ingredient for Rock Solid Trust
Trust in our relationships is at an all time low. The problem is that in order to build trust, we have to know how to understand one another – we have to be stellar at empathy. I wonder, if you added “empathy” to your LinkedIn skills right now, how many people would endorse you for it? Empathy, especially for men, can be a hard sell.
How to Build Unshakeable Trust
Your friends, colleagues, and spouse are driven by a few core motivations – one of them is control. We humans are programmed to master our environment and this gets tricky when dealing with other humans. Why?
Football changed my life!: Boundaries, Preferences and Behaviors
There has been a common theme going in much of the work I have been doing with couples of late. I am hearing folks coming in talking about how their partner responds to them in a way that makes them feel emotionally assaulted. Often, these couples are well intentioned, loving, and looking for connection but for some reason they are having arguments that do not make sense.
Lessons From a 6 Year Old
The other day I was discussing the emotional toll of fighting and hurt in intimate relationships with some folks. We were talking about what happens after the fight. You know…when we have apologized, we know that it is time to move on and there is nothing more to process, but you still feel yucky inside.