A waiter can be a great model for listening during a conflict. A good waiter puts aside his or her own needs and desires and turns their attention to you, even helping you figure out what you really want. On the other hand, in a conflict we feel attacked and so prefer the role of lawyer instead. Reactivity – the emotional/mental state of being in a fight – pushes us to respond from expectations that our own needs will be dismissed, ignored and discounted.
