What is your relationship job description?

We work hard to get the job.  We interview as best we can.  We get the job.  But, how often do we really get a good job description.  I am talking about the job of partner, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other, husband, wife.  More people sit in my office and say things like “S/he is just never happy…no matter what I do!” or “S/he keeps pushing me away and I don’t know why!”

Sister, sister

Many times in therapy we explore our relationship with our parents and how it affects us. Let’s face it, since parents are our role model and the people we learn to find security from, it is always intuitive to explore the relational dynamics between us and them. Not very often we talk about our siblings. There isn’t even a Sibling Day! Also, doctoral researchers have found many correlations between birth order and personality traits. And if you look into this matter, you might find yourself checking those boxes. 

Mistakes

Sometimes we make mistakes and we ruminate: why did I do this, why didn’t I do this, what can I do next time, what I wish I did, and the criticism continues. Guess what, it didn’t get better and chances are you, at least I did, continued to make that same mistake.

Okayest mom of the year

I recently came across a t-shirt being sold on the Internet with the phrase “World’s Okayest Mom” and it gave me a chuckle. After the initial giggles wore off, I gave the phrase more thought. I suppose the intention of such a gift would be to poke a little fun at the recipient. But in considering what it takes for young children to form secure attachments and develop appropriate personal-social skills, and for parents and caregivers to not feel completely and totally stressed out (which all kind of goes together), perhaps “okayest” is a superior adjective over best.