This last winter I was fired from a job for the first time in my life. Although I thought of myself as very resilient when it comes to going through difficult situations, I had a really hard time. Many people who have ever been let go would probably understand that it takes a serious toll on your ego. If you have ever experienced being fired, then you probably have experienced such a drop in your self-confidence.
Sister, sister
Many times in therapy we explore our relationship with our parents and how it affects us. Let’s face it, since parents are our role model and the people we learn to find security from, it is always intuitive to explore the relational dynamics between us and them. Not very often we talk about our siblings. There isn’t even a Sibling Day! Also, doctoral researchers have found many correlations between birth order and personality traits. And if you look into this matter, you might find yourself checking those boxes.
Mistakes
Sometimes we make mistakes and we ruminate: why did I do this, why didn’t I do this, what can I do next time, what I wish I did, and the criticism continues. Guess what, it didn’t get better and chances are you, at least I did, continued to make that same mistake.
Okayest mom of the year
I recently came across a t-shirt being sold on the Internet with the phrase “World’s Okayest Mom” and it gave me a chuckle. After the initial giggles wore off, I gave the phrase more thought. I suppose the intention of such a gift would be to poke a little fun at the recipient. But in considering what it takes for young children to form secure attachments and develop appropriate personal-social skills, and for parents and caregivers to not feel completely and totally stressed out (which all kind of goes together), perhaps “okayest” is a superior adjective over best.
Having compassion even when you are hurt
That is one of the hardest things to do but it’s what it takes to get past a fight. In order to get what you need, or to have a chance at it, you need to be able to hold your spouse in compassion with yourself, while at the same time telling your spouse what your hurts are and asking for what you need.
On becoming self-authoring
We all go through changes as we move through life. Some of these are minor and not that impacting. For instance, you might gradually stop frequenting places you used to visit or lose touch with casual friends. Other changes are major, such as graduating from college, changing jobs, or beginning and ending serious relationships. Some other changes, however, are not only major in terms of outward effects, but also in terms of how they affect our world view and sense of ourselves. Have you ever experienced a profound change such as this, one that rocks you to the core and causes you to question core beliefs that once seemed certain to you?
