Have you ever been in a relationship (whether romantic or platonic) and felt frustration about how things were going — wishing the other person would behave differently? You have tried being nice, coaching them to change (whether they knew it or not) and spent hours considering how impossible it is that someone couldn’t notice how inappropriate and unsatisfying their behavior is? We have all experienced it. Sometimes we can just let it go and sometimes it gets so bad we find ourselves in a divorce, looking for a new job or estranged from a friend or loved one.
Listen Up!
Listening is important. It’s a staple in relationships. It’s one of the fundamental building blocks of our day to day life. We seek it from our partners, our families, our co-workers, and even our social institutions. When we offer it to someone in distress, listening is also a fundamental act of kindness.
The safest place to hide from marriage might be parenthood
On Wednesday, June 13, 2012, I visited the Fox 25 studios in Dedham to discuss a recent Boston Globe article about marriage and parenting. The article profiles a recent book by David Code titled, To Raise Happy Kids Put Your Marriage First. Code suggests that there is a rising trend in parents avoiding marital conflict by focusing on parenting. I’d agree that it happens frequently, however I don’t know that it’s happening more often now than before.
Shifting from complaint to request
“If I have to ask for it, then it doesn’t count.”
I think we’ve all had this thought at some point in our relationships, and are familiar with the sentiment behind it as well. If not, then you must be either very blessed or very lucky — blessed with an incredibly attentive partner, or with very few desires. In either case, you have good reason to be thankful!
Timeouts: Not just for kids anymore
Most adults are familiar with the idea of the timeout. You give a child a timeout when they get too pushy, too loud, or too angry. Ask a parent how a timeout is helpful and he or she might say, “I give my child a timeout so he/she can cool down. Kids listen and behave better when they’ve had a chance to cool off.” Why would adults be any different? Adults, as much as children, get a bit out of line when they get upset. When adults get angry, they cross lines, they say things they don’t mean, or worse, they say things they do mean and can’t take back. Adults can use timeouts just as much as children can. But as opposed to children, adults don’t have anyone to give them a timeout when they might need one.
Ways parents can help their children cope with divorce
Divorce is an epidemic that has increased dramatically in the last couple of years. There are a gamut of reasons that contribute towards escalating divorce rates. The most important thing that a parent can do, once divorce occurs, is to recognize that the process affects the whole family in various, individualized ways.