The safest place to hide from marriage might be parenthood

On Wednesday, June 13, 2012, I visited the Fox 25 studios in Dedham to discuss a recent Boston Globe article about marriage and parenting. The article profiles a recent book by David Code titled, To Raise Happy Kids Put Your Marriage First. Code suggests that there is a rising trend in parents avoiding marital conflict by focusing on parenting. I’d agree that it happens frequently, however I don’t know that it’s happening more often now than before.

Shifting from complaint to request

“If I have to ask for it, then it doesn’t count.”

I think we’ve all had this thought at some point in our relationships, and are familiar with the sentiment behind it as well. If not, then you must be either very blessed or very lucky — blessed with an incredibly attentive partner, or with very few desires. In either case, you have good reason to be thankful!

Timeouts: Not just for kids anymore

Most adults are familiar with the idea of the timeout. You give a child a timeout when they get too pushy, too loud, or too angry. Ask a parent how a timeout is helpful and he or she might say, “I give my child a timeout so he/she can cool down. Kids listen and behave better when they’ve had a chance to cool off.” Why would adults be any different? Adults, as much as children, get a bit out of line when they get upset. When adults get angry, they cross lines, they say things they don’t mean, or worse, they say things they do mean and can’t take back. Adults can use timeouts just as much as children can. But as opposed to children, adults don’t have anyone to give them a timeout when they might need one.

Gender and Intimacy

We are born for intimacy. Clients come to me with a variety of complaints, but much of the time, the root issue relates directly to intimacy: disruptions in intimacy, fear of intimacy, over-dependence on intimacy, lack of intimacy, need for intimacy, and the myriad relationship problems that occur in relation to these issues.

Coming out of a straight marriage

Do you remember being a child and jumping into the deep end of the pool for the first time?  You were probably not sure what would happen, whether you would sink or swim.   Could you be brave enough to take the leap, even though you weren’t sure it was the right thing for you to do?  For many, first jumps are to be celebrated…a perfect cannonball, a quick resurface and a dog paddle to the edge to try it again.  However, there are those that jump in and sink a little too low, take in water, feel pressure and the fear of not being able to breathe. The latter is what it feels like when you are in a life situation where you are confused, feel internally trapped and needing escape.