Sometimes, little things in life can throw us off. Especially when we are dealing with a lot of different things. Even when things are for the better, we still have to adjust our brain and body to a new routine. Our frustration tolerance goes down, we are snappier towards others, others are less compassionate towards us because they don’t get it and this list can go on and on. Sometimes, we might even feel lonelier than usual.
Managing your list
You have made your list but halfway through it you realize it is too much. Your brain starts to be filled with counter thoughts, excuses why it is hard to do this or what is going to make it hard, or worse, you cannot decide where to start. OH NO!!! This starts the negative thinking; the self-deprecating statements; hours on end of wondering why you cannot do something this simple; your chest feels tight or your body feels burdened. So much for spring!!!
Listen like a waiter
A waiter can be a great model for listening during a conflict. A good waiter puts aside his or her own needs and desires and turns their attention to you, even helping you figure out what you really want. On the other hand, in a conflict we feel attacked and so prefer the role of lawyer instead. Reactivity – the emotional/mental state of being in a fight – pushes us to respond from expectations that our own needs will be dismissed, ignored and discounted.
Making Connections
You know those times when you are getting frustrated in your relationship because you just aren’t getting your needs met? You keep telling your partner that you want things (sex, communication, warmth, etc.) and feel like your requests are falling on deaf ears? Frustration creeps in and you start losing stake in the relationship feeling that your connection is more distant and fractured.
Thermometer vs Thermostat
I have had patient after patient come into my office talking about what a harsh and relentless winter this has been. I can’t agree more! It is always interesting to see how people talk about the weather. There are two classic perspectives that get presented: How cold it is on the thermometer and how much energy is being used by the thermostat. What an interesting way to understand ourselves as well!
Falling into Fall
Let’s face it; summer is ending. The sun is setting earlier, the nights are getting cooler. We’re seeing summer’s end clearance events, Back-to-School shopping ads, vacation bucket lists, and even Halloween candy on the shelves! Wherever I go, there are many reminders that our days of fun and relaxation are numbered.